June 30, 2012- Day 25

The fact that I have been here for 25 days and that July is already over is blowing my mind.  Even the beginning of July came so fast.  I can’t believe summer is over and that I’ve already worked for a month, gone to Africa for a month, and am about to come back home.  As I was working on my Capstone Presentation yesterday, I realized that there are a few things that I wish I had gotten out of this experience that I didn’t.  I wish I had been more involved, felt like I was really doing an internship rather than just working on the farm all day.  I was under the impression originally that the work we were doing would also involve doing research and writing proposals for funds to increase the sustainability of the project.  However, I did get the cultural immersion that I was looking forward to.  I did get to learn about many aspects of the culture, and live within it, having to do many of the things that are a part of their culture.  That is one cool part about working on the farm, is that I had to do real work, not just feel like a volunteer.  Many volunteers noted that they did not feel even as involved at their projects as I did.

My anxiety levels are rising.  I feel anxious and restless to come home.  I feel as if I am dreading this week and that it is dragging out.  I can’t get it out of my head, last night, even while dreaming, and this morning.  I can’t just enjoy myself the way I was.  It’s difficult to be aware of your emotions and realize that there are different points in time when your emotional levels will be higher and more overwhelming than at other times.  I think this is one of those times, and having nothing to do with circumstance I just feel anxious. And of course the mind must find something to attribute it to.  The book I am reading talks all about not allowing these emotions to rule your life, but that when they arise you have to be aware that they are there and watch them and let them go, making the decision to live in the present.  Emotions are very strong though.  I feel like I’m wrestling with myself in my mind, me trying to fight with myself to calm that self.  I haven’t even gone to work today yet and this is how I have felt all morning while trying to yoga and eat breakfast and just relax.  Despite emotions, after today is over, the week will go by quickly because tomorrow is dinner with ProWorld, Wednesday is my presentation which means I don’t work, and then Thursday is a party at work for my departure.  That leaves Friday and Saturday to enjoy myself and then I will be on my way home.  

Today I came downstairs at the time I leave every morning: 8 am.  Then Mama Teiko handed me my Moringa tea.  So I sat and drank it and felt no anxiety about having to rush anywhere.  I just sat and drank because that was what I was doing at the time and I would go to work later.  Then I had to wait while she made my lunch which was white rice with an egg, tomato, and onion sauce.  I took a taxi to the junction that I usually walk to in order to save time because I was 45 minutes late.  At the junction, I asked for a car to Dwenasi.  Today is my first day without Drew.  He is more forceful and it is just easier to not have to worry about things.  Today I felt stressed because there was no taxi yet.  So I sat.  And kept sitting for about 45 more minutes.  I kept getting up and asking but there was no car.  And I kept telling them that there is always a car.  Finally there was a car that would bring me half way.  When we got to the next taxi junction and he dropped me off, I went to pay him 50 pesawas but he demanded that I pay him 1 cedi (double the price).  I told him it was always 50.  He said no, so I gave him 1 cedi.  Then I took a taxi to Dwenasi from there.  Cynthia told me I had been cheated because it was 50 pesawas.  I felt like crying because I felt defeated.  I’ve had experiences like this many times but always stood up for myself and didn’t feel defeated.  But today I just felt like things were too difficult.  This is definitely the time in my life when I have PMS, just to keep things clear.  So I got to work at 10.45 instead of 9 am.  We sat and watched Aya do laundry.  Then her baby Monica pooped everywhere, in her underwear, down her leg, on the ground.  They just picked her up and put her on a little bucket and washed her clothes.  I thought that even in places without diapers, they would have cloth diapers.  But they don’t here at this house anyway.  When we finally worked, we went into the field and dug up more beds.  It started raining so we took a break.  When we went back to dig up beds,  I was having such a hard time.  I am not strong at all and couldn’t dig more than one or two beds, but the man working with us dug maybe 8 beds and laughed at me for being so tired.  My hands were very red and my legs and arms were aching.   We sat and rested and then when it was time to leave, Aya came with a little cast-iron fire pit.  She then roasted corn on top of a screen over the fire.  I helped her shuck the corn and turned the corn for her so it wouldn’t burn.  It tasted so good.  It was a mix between corn on the cob and popcorn.  I love this stuff about work.  I love when were are sitting around cooking and eating and I get to see more of the culture.  Aya’s older children came home and they were all just playing around, laughing at Monica for falling down, things any family would do.  It was great.  

Due to the fact that I was ripped off earlier, I had to borrow money from Kofi in order to get home that evening.  

The other day my sister tried to give me some movies to watch.  She had a few random discs.  Some horror movie about a girl who is killed and comes back to get everyone who murdered her.  Other things, all of which she described as being such a beautiful movie.  I wish they had worked on my laptop.  They all looked so lame and awesome.  She even gave me a Barbie movie! I got to go into her room and saw that she is a normal girl.  It made me sad for her.  She’s at least 24.  She works so hard and just spends time with her mom but she likes to get dressed up and look pretty and has a bunch of Fructis Garnier hair products and Biore face wipes.  She has a lot of things that she probably saved a lot of money to have.  Kind of like me, how there is no way my parents could have bought me all of the random clothes I have but I liked them so I made it happen.  I have more clothes than all of my friends.  I get caught up in thinking this is a third world country so people are worried about surviving.  But they’re still people.  She wants to have fun and be happy and go out and dress up.  I’ve seen her when she puts a pretty dress on.  She’s beautiful.  She told me she used to go out with volunteers that lived with them and they had so much fun.  But now she is so busy selling her tilapia.  She works all day preparing the sauces, gutting the fish and then works all night cooking and selling.  She has no time to have fun and no time to save money to get a job that would give her better money.  Tonight she asked me to escort her to the atm down the street so we took a cab there.  It was nice.  I feel like we are becoming friends now.  She wants me to stay in touch when I leave which is really cool.  

I don’t know if I have mentioned the fact that taxis have sticker words placed on the back car window.  They all say different things, usually in reference to Jesus or God like most things in Ghana.  But today I saw some that felt like a sign meant just for me.  The first one I took notice of said “Be Silent.”  Then later in the day I saw one that said “Awake.”  Finally I saw a bumper sticker that said “Good energy is coming your way.”  All of these really made me think.  Quiet your mind Rachel.  Wake up and just enjoy life rather than thinking about unhappiness, restlessness, etc.  You have nothing to worry about.  Good energy is coming.  These are all of things that I have been reading about this past month and thinking about.  And the one day I really feel like I can’t take it, here are these signs, telling me to just be.  These journals are not just about my adventures in Africa but about personal growth as I leave everything behind and journey to a foreign country.  Everything in my life is like this.  There is always an opportunity for inspiration and development.  I think I am doing one thing, but somehow I am always learning personal life lessons that will add to who I am as a person.  I guess this is just every day of life.  You think you are just doing something, going to class, talking to people, etc, but in reality life is one big learning experience after another.  Every person you interact with has something to teach you.  Every action you take, every positive or negative outcome, will show you something about yourself or show you how to change yourself.  This is why I am excited to be alive.  Even when your entire day was terrible,  negativity and positivity don’t exist.  The only thing that matters is what you learn from that experience.  There is gain even in struggle and suffering.  In fact, in times of trial and difficulties, that is when you learn the most.  That is when your life is the most enriched because it gives you the opportunity to dig deeper into who you are, way inside of yourself.

Cultural Facts: 
-When people are eating, it is socially polite for them to say “You are invited” in order to tell you that you can also eat with them. They don’t necessarily want you to eat with them, they just have to say it, they have to offer or else they will be being rude.  
-When you are with someone and they say “I am coming” what they mean is that they will be right back.  It’s really silly to me every time they say it.  At first I didn’t understand what was going on but now I get it and wait for them to come back.

-Today Cynthia told me that in Ghana if you have a dream about a relative dying, that means that they will live a long life.  There you go Thomas.  You will live forever, I promise.  

-Women breastfeed openly everywhere.  I am not sure if this is the way it is with every woman, but Aya lets Monica basically own her breasts.  She will pull them out for Monica and then Monica will nurse while standing or doing anything.  She pulls, tugs, and turns her breasts every way that she wants.  It looks painful and looks like it is one of the causes of Aya’s breasts sagging so much.  It is not a gentle loving thing the way I would see a mother breastfeeding in America.  When I see Monica nursing it is more like she is eating Aya rather than Aya feeding her.  

July 29, 2012- Day 24

This morning I woke up after having a dream about my brother Thomas dying.  I have nightmares a lot at home but have had none in Africa until the past couple of nights.  It really shook me up and made me feel that I need to be home because I am never with my family, but they mean so much to me.  Life is so fragile and that is why we have to spend time with the people we love most, appreciating life to the fullest, before it is quickly snatched away from us.  

I slept in a little bit and then read more of my book about living in the Now.  I also did a lot of Yoga, and sat in meditation for about 15 minutes, listening to beautiful singing coming from the church next door.  It feels so nice to just really live life, every moment of it, instead of rushing from place to place.  Just being is so wonderful.  I showered, drank Moringa tea, watched a movie on my laptop,  and it is now only 12.30 am.  A full day already lived.  I’m happy for everything.  I am happy to be doing nothing right now.  I am happy for tomorrow, happy to go home next week, happy to see Jake, happy to really go home to Rochester in another week. I am happy to go to school soon, and I am happy not to go to school yet.  I am thoroughly happy.  Right now there is still beautiful, choral, angelic singing being carried by the wind into my window.  Earlier it was more praise and worship centered.  It is all beautiful.  Life is all beautiful because it is not about the problems going on in your mind or about the stresses and anxieties that the past and future hold.  Life is about the exact sensations that you are experiencing now.  Whether good or bad, just feeling them fully is where the beauty lays.  I am just sitting here breathing and life is wonderful.  

Later:

I feel very low on energy here from time to time.  I feel shaky and hungry even though I have already had a few meals in the day.  I eat so much and don’t feel full.  I think about food all the time even if I just ate.  Even when my belly feels expanded, my stomach doesn’t feel full.  

I basically spent the entire day just relaxing and reading.  I sat on the steps to read for a bit so that I could get a view of what was going on and be a part of the family life here.  Francesca spent the day removing scales and guts from fish.  Last night she was very busy selling the tilapia in front of the house so she asked me to help her.  She cooked the fish and I would put the onions and green peppers and the sauce on the fish.  It was fun to do this with her.  We were just hanging out outside, music playing,  people eating.  It seems like a really cool life.  

I felt pretty bored today for the first time in a while.  The past two days I have done nothing.  I keep needing to tell myself that I am also on summer vacation with nothing to do, and to just enjoy myself by reading books and napping.  I finished the last half of my book today except for the final chapter which I will read tomorrow.  There is a power outage here so I am sitting in the dark with my “torch” or flashlight, as Americans would call it, and am going to go to sleep soon because that’s all you can really do when its pitch black out.  Tomorrow is my last Monday here.  Last first day of work of the week.  I am excited to go home!

I am feeling very tired today as well.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I just feel incapable of keeping my eyes open.  Goodnight at 7.30 pm!

Pictures Day 23

Views around Elmina

Moringa Leaves

Pictures Day 21

                                                 Making Fried Plaintains and Red Red

                                                                  Apple of Ghana

                                                   Breaking open coconuts with machetes

Meal for Drew's Last Day

Things to know

-Spaghetti is sometimes eaten with milk powder and sugar added to it.  It tastes really good.  

-The president was sick with throat cancer when he went into office.  He was advised against it but decided to run for the presidency anyway.  That is why he has died.  He had been secretly going to the US for treatment, and pretending that they were just routine check ups. None of this is public knowledge to the people of Ghana though which explains their readiness to accept the theories about voodoo being spread.

July 28, 2012- Day 23

Yesterday, I had a nice talk with my host sister Francesca.  I was sitting downstairs watching her cut vegetables and make a special sauce for her tilapia.  We talked about women here holding babies on their backs and cutting things in their hands rather than on a cutting board.  We talked about her dreams for the future, how she wants to go to school for catering, making her own beautiful wedding cakes and pastries.  However, she doesn’t have the money for it at all, so for now she makes money by selling tilapia at night.  This money is needed to support the family because their father left when she was little and now is dead, so she must support the family and help her mother who is poor.  For a while we also talked about the United States and how credit cards allow people to buy crazy things that they do not need and that the reason America looks so rich is not because they actually can buy these things, but because they buy things that they can not afford and often go into debt.  This notion shocked her. She was also shocked to hear that we have homeless people and poor people.  She thought that there were only rich people in America.  It was a very good conversation to have, to even help her perspective of the world be opened up.  Often, the people here are so admiring of America and any white person, thinking we have it all and are so happy and rich when that is not always the case. And even with money, are we really happy?  I see more happiness here as I watch people with almost nothing appreciating everything they have, loving life, dancing and singing.  They are always singing no matter what they are doing.  It is beautiful.  

Later, Francesca brought me to the seamstress to get my skirts made but she wasn’t home so we hung out with her kids and watched interviews of the presidents family at the family funeral on TV.  Then as we were walking home we stopped in a pharmacy store because they were watching Bruce Almighty on the TV.  She didn’t know what was happening at all.  I had to explain a lot.  Now I am just sitting on the steps, eating leftovers from last night, reading my book, watching women cook and work, music playing in the square outside because there is another funeral this weekend.  Every day in life is good.  Even when someone dies, we need to have a good day.  

Yesterday was Friday. Kate, Drew and I decided to go on an adventure around Elmina.  We walked up to this place called the fort which is a huge castle like building.  It’s awesome.  From that point you can see all of Elmina encircling the fort.  It was breathtaking.  You can see the lagoon where all of the fishing boats are harbored.  There were hundreds and hundreds of people, small from that view, all wearing vibrant fabrics.  You could only tell because they were moving blobs of color.  It was so cool to see all of the houses and streets and then beyond that on one side was the ocean, forever expanding, and on the other side were fields and huge hills of red earth and Cape Coast behind that.  It was so amazing.  As we were up by the fort,  a man came and put his arm around me and asked me how I was doing.  This was nothing new because everyone here is very friendly and always talking to us and asking us questions about our lives.  I have even gotten a few marriage proposals right off the bat.  But I just told them I had a boyfriend and then they get very happy for me that I’m not all alone and desolate.  But anyway, today this man made me feel slightly uncomfortable and as I was trying to walk away he grabbed my breast.  I looked at him in shock, said, “Don’t touch me” and then I walked away.  I’ve felt totally okay and comfortable here up until that moment.  For the rest of the day people kept being a little bit pushy and too intense.  Little kids kept trying to take things from my hands, and people kept getting too close and I just felt nervous.  I still feel a little nervous about things now.  Not that this couldn’t happen anywhere, it is just more threatening to be away from home and feel uncomfortable like that.  
After walking around, Kate and I went to Cape Coast.  We picked up some more gifts for people back home and I bought fabric to make a few skirts.  I also bought a French book from a used bookstore.  It is my first French book. I am really excited to read it because it is also about spiritual enlightenment that is found in many different ways for many different people.  I hope that it really expands my French.  I may wait to read it until I get home so that as I am reading I can look up words in my French dictionary.  This way I will really be learning.  The reading looked more simple than any of the other French books available.  There were books I wanted such as writings by Renee Descartes and Carl Jung.  However, I can just barely understand their philosophies in English, so I decided to keep it simple.  I also got those chocolate banana pancakes again.  They are the best thing I’ve ever eaten.  

As a part of this trip to Cape Coast, I had to deal with a lot with money, figuring out how much to take out in order to last me my final week here. I also had to pay my tuition bill so for the whole day and even now I have been feeling pretty anxious and stressed out. Things just seemed back to that rushed and worried pace of life, trying to fit everything into one day of running around and getting things done, and worrying about money.  I didn’t like it.  I don’t want this to be my life when I get back. I don’t want to return to being stressed and unhappy because there is too much to worry about.  I hope that in this last week I can teach myself that even during stressful times, I can find inner peace. I have found a lot of inner strength and happiness here, which I hope to bring home with me.  I feel very Zen and have a live in the moment mindset, which is easier to live in when there are not too many things to think about.  But I am afraid that when I go home, so many things will consume my thoughts and time that I will go back to being just as stressed and worried about life, unable to keep this appreciation of life that I have gained through living among the people here. I also skyped with Jake last night which made me want to come home.  I don’t want to feel that way.  I miss home a lot but since I am here for one more week and there is nothing that can be changed, I want to accept this and enjoy myself every day until I arrive home.  

I finally got the pair of pants that I had made for me last week.  They are extremely epic.  I also found out about this wonderful plant called Moringa.  It is the super food of all super foods.  There are so many amazing things in Ghana. Cool pants, cool plants?! It grows here in Ghana and is used to cure any kind of sickness.  It contains Iron, Vitamin A, C, Protein, and many other things.  When the plant grows you cut the branches off, then taking the leaves and drying them.  Once they are dry you grind them into powder and boil the powder in water.  Then you have tea! So of course, I bought some of the seeds to bring home and grow at school.  I am so excited to make my own tea that has extreme health benefits.  Mama Teiko has been giving us Moringa tea every morning and night for the past few days.  She even let me help her take the leaves off of the branches and taught me how to make the tea.  

Last night was Kate’s last night.  We talked and ate a really nice meal of jollof rice, homemade coleslaw, and chicken.  It was good.  Mama Teiko even gave us Sprite.  Kate left this morning though.  We went to the station with her so she could get to the airport from there, and I almost cried because I was sad to have her leave.  I loved meeting her and spending this time with her.  But we live so close to each other back home and I hope we will stay in touch.

Thoughts: I met a woman who was volunteering for ProWorld this month.  She just graduated from college and looks fairly young.  She told us that she has an 11 year old son.  So many people have such different lives and such varying experiences.  It never fails to astound me when I hear stories like this.  She couldn’t have had her baby at any older than 12.  I was reading over her shoulder as she read a book called The Stolen Life about a girl who was kidnapped and used as a sex slave for this man at the age of 13.  I feel that I can not even reflect on this because no matter how much suffering I see, I still can not get used to it.  It still hurts me to know that people everywhere are dealing with issues of such magnitude.  

July 26, 2012- Day 21

When I write out the days on here I can not believe I have been here for so long of a time.  Day 3 feels like it was a few days ago.  It could be day 7 at most in my mind.  Time is going so quickly.  

For the record, there are many things that go through my mind in the day, many topics that I want to discuss with all of you when I get back but to journal about them all would be so overwhelming.  If you would like to talk about anything when I get back, please let me know.  I have had a lot of discussions with people that I can not even begin to scratch the surface about in a few pages of a journal.  

Today started off with bad bathroom issues.  And some yoga.  Always a good morning in Ghana.  I went downstairs to go to work and Mama Teiko made me sit and wait, telling me that she had sent someone to get me rockies.  I didn’t know what rockies were.  When they arrived it turned out that they are muffins! Rockies, muffins, both words that make no sense.  But these were the best muffins.  They were buttery and resembled corn bread.  I love rockies! So I walked to the taxi station to meet Drew and we finally had success getting a taxi.  The past few days have been rough.  You always encounter days where taxi drivers try to make you pay 10 cedis to get to where you're going just because you are American and they hope that you don’t know the real price.  Its only 1.50 cedis to get to work.  Once the way toward Dwenase, there were three men standing in the road with a big log across, blocking the way.  They made the taxi driver pay them in order to get by.  Apparently these men were working on the roads, fixing the endless amount of potholes here, and these workers often believe that they deserve money from those driving on the roads.  This happens with police men here as well.  The police system seems to be very corrupt, my knowledge of which comes from observing them stand on the sides of the roads, pulling taxis over in order to get money from the driver.  If you give the police about 5 cedis which is about $2.50, they will let you go.  This does not seem like the job of a defender of citizens, or an upholder of the law. Just some more information to digest along with the rockies I had for breakfast.

At work we laid more beds for the plants and raked the sticks out of the field.  Then Aya took us on an adventure to find coconuts.  I tried to balance one on my head but it is really not easy.  Then she chopped open our coconuts with a machete and we drank out of them and ate the coconut residue from the inside. It was so cool!  She also showed us a very strange fruit with spikes on the outside. This is called the apple of Ghana.  They have other apples here but they call those foreign apples.  It is not ripe to eat yet, but in a few days it will be and I am excited to try it.  There are many points in the day where we stop working and just spend time sitting around talking and not doing a whole lot, but trying new things, and finding out new things about life in Ghana.  I like that they try to expose us to as many random things as possible.  Finally Pastor Sam showed up with a feast.  It was Drew’s last day so the Reverend bought us each a large piece of chicken (which is really rare and expensive here) and a bunch of jolof rice (rice with spices and peppers in it, usually red) as well as sweet corn in a can.  It was so good and filling.

We had a very long talk with Pastor Sam today.  I asked him about the belief in voodoo, etc.  He told me a lot of things that really opened my eyes to a new view of culture.  Culture should be judged sometimes.  Not to say that we should look down on the people.  However, progress is an important part of life if you want to survive and thrive.  Believing in things such as voodoo and spirits merely places a limit on your life.  Rather than becoming literate, educating themselves,  and finding real answers to their problems, and thus dealing with and solving the problems at hand, culture will often give them an excuse or an answer.  This answer has been passed down for generations and continues to limit that culture.  If people are dying of a sickness and you blame that sickness on evil spirits, then how will anyone ever learn and find the cure to that sickness and help the people within that society to stay alive? Culture is incredible and very important.  So are beliefs, traditions, family stories, etc.  However, when these things are getting in the way of you living life to your fullest potential, when is enough enough? Now I understand why people have problems with religions.  There is nothing wrong with believing in something.  But if your belief gets in the way of your health, or is hindering you, then it is not good.  Pastor Sam was telling us that these excuses and cultural explanations are holding back Africa from developing.  It’s a tough thing to think about because there is so much history, life, and value behind many of the aspects of these cultures.  Culture is the definition of everything that people are.  Kate and I talked about this a lot later too.  It’s so difficult to decide if you are for or against things like this because you can’t just cut something like culture out.  People would not survive without culture.  But you also need to progress beyond what you think is best, and find out what actually is best.  A lot of things that I have encountered here feel on a similar level of conflict in my mind.  There are always so many positives and negatives.  For example, the idea of comparing America to Africa.  There are so many positives and negatives to both sides.  Thinking about the concept of how well people are doing here in Ghana, you see a lot of negativity: children with protruding belly buttons, open sewage running on the sides of the streets, people dying of malaria.  But at the same time there is so much that is going on here to make things better. Especially in comparison to a lot of places in Africa, Ghana is doing so well.  I can’t stick with one emotion because I go back and forth on both sides for all of these topics.  I hope to engage you all in conversations of this kind when I return.  

I would like to say that this trip is making me really focus on how amazing the rest of my life is going to be.  This is the first step I have taken toward my happiness and success since coming to college.  It’s really the big first of things that I have done on my list of things to do in my life.  I have so many dreams and aspirations and it has always felt like I had to put everything off for later.  Later is NOW!  I feel that doing this is making me so motivated and inspired to succeed in all areas and explore all of the interests that I have had for so long.  Now I can finally go out and do everything that I only ever used to talk about.  I haven’t been this excited to learn French, do yoga, study Buddhist philosophy, paint, go home and learn and read and watch documentaries on every place on earth, learn all about every culture, work with professors on research projects, do my senior thesis, everything sounds amazing at this point.  I just want to throw myself head on into so much work and so much involvement.  I can’t wait to help in the soup kitchen back in Plattsburgh.  I can’t wait to travel to Montreal in the fall on the weekends.  Tomorrow I am going to a bookstore in Cape Coast and buying my first French book to read on the flight home!  One of my professors at school asked me and a few other students to work along side him in creating an honors seminar about Herbert Marcuse’s philosophies.  I emailed him a few days ago and hope that this opportunity really happens.  I also want to tutor French in the fall and work in order to start saving money.  I’m so happy that this is my mindset because all of last year I felt like I wasn’t doing anything except taking classes and I couldn’t find the inspiration that I need to live.  But now its back and it’s in full force.  Yesterday I learned the word for pocket in French. It’s “poche.”  I didn’t know and now I do.  Even this seems exciting to me.  Qu’est-ce que tu as dans ta poche? J’ai le monde entier dans ma poche.