This morning I woke up after having a dream about my brother Thomas dying. I have nightmares a lot at home but have had none in Africa until the past couple of nights. It really shook me up and made me feel that I need to be home because I am never with my family, but they mean so much to me. Life is so fragile and that is why we have to spend time with the people we love most, appreciating life to the fullest, before it is quickly snatched away from us.
I slept in a little bit and then read more of my book about living in the Now. I also did a lot of Yoga, and sat in meditation for about 15 minutes, listening to beautiful singing coming from the church next door. It feels so nice to just really live life, every moment of it, instead of rushing from place to place. Just being is so wonderful. I showered, drank Moringa tea, watched a movie on my laptop, and it is now only 12.30 am. A full day already lived. I’m happy for everything. I am happy to be doing nothing right now. I am happy for tomorrow, happy to go home next week, happy to see Jake, happy to really go home to Rochester in another week. I am happy to go to school soon, and I am happy not to go to school yet. I am thoroughly happy. Right now there is still beautiful, choral, angelic singing being carried by the wind into my window. Earlier it was more praise and worship centered. It is all beautiful. Life is all beautiful because it is not about the problems going on in your mind or about the stresses and anxieties that the past and future hold. Life is about the exact sensations that you are experiencing now. Whether good or bad, just feeling them fully is where the beauty lays. I am just sitting here breathing and life is wonderful.
Later:
I feel very low on energy here from time to time. I feel shaky and hungry even though I have already had a few meals in the day. I eat so much and don’t feel full. I think about food all the time even if I just ate. Even when my belly feels expanded, my stomach doesn’t feel full.
I basically spent the entire day just relaxing and reading. I sat on the steps to read for a bit so that I could get a view of what was going on and be a part of the family life here. Francesca spent the day removing scales and guts from fish. Last night she was very busy selling the tilapia in front of the house so she asked me to help her. She cooked the fish and I would put the onions and green peppers and the sauce on the fish. It was fun to do this with her. We were just hanging out outside, music playing, people eating. It seems like a really cool life.
I felt pretty bored today for the first time in a while. The past two days I have done nothing. I keep needing to tell myself that I am also on summer vacation with nothing to do, and to just enjoy myself by reading books and napping. I finished the last half of my book today except for the final chapter which I will read tomorrow. There is a power outage here so I am sitting in the dark with my “torch” or flashlight, as Americans would call it, and am going to go to sleep soon because that’s all you can really do when its pitch black out. Tomorrow is my last Monday here. Last first day of work of the week. I am excited to go home!
I am feeling very tired today as well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just feel incapable of keeping my eyes open. Goodnight at 7.30 pm!
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